UnNews:Israel boasts of precision in bombings it didn't do

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard ✪ UnNews ✪ Saturday, April 27, 2024, 16:00:59 (UTC)
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3 January 2024

Civilians and emergency vehicles scour the site for dead civilians that might be worth international pity, but whoever did this was just too good.

TEL AVIV, Israel -- The government of Israel took full credit for the near-absence of civilian casualties in two recent bombings it took no credit for causing.

Referencing Tuesday's drone strike in Dahiyeh, just south of Beirut, Lebanon, which killed Saleh al-Arouri and several other Hamas kingpins, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu noted that the strike took out the targets and didn't take out any non-targets. However, the Israeli Defense Force has not claimed credit for the attack, and members of Israel's War Cabinet have quietly been told to delete any posts to X (formerly Twitter) that might be interpreted as taking a "victory lap." Hezbollah has warned it will retaliate for the attack, though Netanyahu insisted that Hezbollah was not the target, and Israel was not the author, but probably some other small nation with precision-controlled drones that has vowed to exterminate Hamas.

Then, on Wednesday, two explosions along a parade route killed more than 70 people and injured 170. The march, near the Tomb of the Unknown General in the Iranian city of Kerman, commemorated the fourth anniversary of the death of Big-man-in-desert Qanon Soleimani by a U.S. drone. Netanyahu said, "That was significantly less precise — just a couple of bags containing explosives and a remote control. If we had done it, we would have used fighter jets or precision-guided drones. And it would have ended with a big fireworks display and the Star of David in the sky. And again, no civilians would have been harmed. But that wasn't us at all."

Last month, Gen. Razi Mousavi was killed near Damascus, Syria. Netanyahu said, "That one, yeah, we did it." Iranian officials had vowed they would "make Israel pay" for the assassination. However, Netanyahu said, "We never even got a bill!" In fact, all Iran has done in the meantime is harass Red Sea shipping so badly that the U.S. finally had to do something, watch Mr. al-Arouri suddenly converted to dozens of sooty grease spots, and keep those centrifuges spinning.

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