UnNews:Bezos makes a fashion statement

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? ✪ UnNews ✪ Monday, April 29, 2024, 03:12:59 (UTC)
Bezos makes a fashion statement UnNews Logo Potato.png

2 October 2021

Bezos (second row, furthest right) with colleagues.

VAN HORN, Texas -- Yeehah Bezos! Jeff Bezos took a giant risk this week when he chose to wear this[1] throwback piece of headwear at a recent science fiction-themed event hosted by his company, Amazon.

This wild fashion choice comes hot on the heels of his bombshell break-up with wife of twenty-three years, Mackenzie Scott, after intimate texts were revealed exposing a relationship between Bezos and latin Lauren Sánchez.

Not that Mackenzie can complain! The divorce settlement netted her a cool $40 billion which she has since started divesting into a range of super-important causes like bringing down patriarchy and closing the gender pay gap (so that while Bezos builds one-day delivery for every consumer product on Earth, people who write light novels once every eight years get rewarded equally).

That's right, forty billion with a b. Hey Mackenzie! We've thrown out our ovens. Can we get some of that dough?

Bezos certainly doesn't seem perturbed, rocking out his cowboy hat at what we're told was a private party between Bezos and some industry A-listers where they discussed cloudy computing.

The hat was likely a homage to Bezos' hometown of Albuquerque. Does he pull it off?

Wow!

Reader, you know we tell it like it is. Want our honest opinion on Bezos' new look?

You can say that again!

Bezos wearing a classic windbreaker at some kind of outdoor spa treatment facility.

This move was probably a dig at Bezos' long-time rival, super-genius Elon Musk, who was caught bare-footed in an intimate photoshoot between him and fellow rich Richard Branson that exploded on social media in the days prior.[2] Bezos' response in actively covering his bare head at this event was totally meant as a power move. Why are you guys rivals at all, Bezos? You know you don't build cars, right?

To be honest, we were a little surprised at the amount of buzz online about how big a step forward this event was for fashion. However, it does seem to bring cowboy chic from pop culture icons like Lil Nas X and other gay into the hands of the common man. So I guess the fact we misunderstood the significance of the event is on us!

Next time, Bezos, make sure that we get an invite!

Sources[edit]


Retrieved from "https://uncyclopedia.com/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Bezos_makes_a_fashion_statement&oldid=6122726"