UnNews:Cincinnati gorilla stymies police

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Straight talk, from straight faces ✪ UnNews ✪ Wednesday, May 15, 2024, 00:29:59 (UTC)
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29 May 2016

Harambe told members of the press pool that fun is fun, but he was already running late for an organizing meeting of BlackLivesMatter.

CINCINNATI, Ohio -- A gorilla had city police and national newsmen at wit's end on Saturday.

A young child crawled past a barrier at the Cincinnati Zoo and entered the gorilla cage. After the boy fell into the moat, the gorilla, Harambe, 17, plucked him out, dragged him around, and violently threw him. Two other gorillas in the enclosure were told to go to their rooms, but Harambe protested that that was his room. Firefighters were in the vicinity but, as the incident did not involve open flame, they could do no more than telephone for police, who would know how to handle the situation.

Mere minutes later, their fears were realized. The gorilla was on the List of Endangered Species. Dumb-as-doorknobs toddlers, not-so-much. More calls were placed, and the fateful order was received: "Drop him."

The Cincinnati City Council.

Happily, just as the policemen aimed the sights on the center of the child's sky-blue Oshkosh B'Gosh! overalls, the gorilla released the boy and the crisis was defused.

Zoo Director Thane Maynard said the police took great personal risks. "They made a tough choice and they made the right choice," said the Thane. "It could have been very bad." Indeed, if a stray shot had hit the gorilla, there could have been hell to pay in this race-obsessed city.

Sources[edit]

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