UnNews:Government shutdown averted; furloughs happen anyway
| Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother? | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Sunday, May 26, 2024, 11:24:59 (UTC) |
| Government shutdown averted; furloughs happen anyway | 
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12 April 2011
WIKIA CITY, California -- The historic budget agreement between U.S. President Obama and Speaker of the House John Boehner was supposed to avoid a government shutdown, but layoffs are happening anyway.
Here at Uncyclopedia headquarters, management has announced the furlough of half the UnNews staff. Publisher Morris Greeley explains:
| “ | We had a crew of reporters and videographers set to travel to Yellowstone Park to interview tourists unaware of the shutdown who had flown to the park. We had cub reporters ready to do "Man-on-the-Street" interviews--we would have gotten a ton of opinions from people nowhere near the situation with nothing useful to contribute. Our Washington bureau had appointments with politicians of both parties to give us their best guesses on how long the shutdown would last. And our graphic designers were working on running clocks and a huge "debt counter" for our Front Page. | ” |
These projects were all cancelled when the two sides agreed on a budget for 2011. As reported, Democrats get to keep spending almost all they wanted to when they ran everything but neglected to write a budget at all; and Republicans got an abortion-funding ban in D.C.
Mr. Greeley says the hundreds of staffers were sent packing with no hard feelings; and if the political parties reach an impasse on raising the debt ceiling in May, he will be eager to hire them all back to cover the resulting chaos.
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |