UnNews:ISIS hacked, personal data compromised

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12 March 2016

Joyous warriors wave their flags and hope for victory over the Infidel. But is their personal data secure?

TRIPOLI, Islamic State -- Renowned terror army ISIS announced last week that its computer systems had been hacked. Personal information may have been taken, including names, passwords, scruffiness, and degree of Sharia proficiency. American recruits may have had their Social Security numbers stolen.

ISIS announced to any holy warrior who believes his personal data has been compromised that the group will provide twelve months of free credit reports. Victims will also get credit counseling and will be allowed to change their noms de guerre to Abu Something Else.

Data on 22,000 holy warriors was placed on a memory stick obtained by Western authorities. They are yet again training Syrian moderates to fight ISIS itself, hoping this time to graduate more than a half dozen. U.S. President Obama reportedly revealed his frustration with European leaders such as David Cameron for "getting distracted" during the last collaboration, an operation he described to The Atlantic as a "shit show," as petty domestic concerns such as Brexit took priority over the Obama legacy.

The potentially moderate Syrians' first task is to analyze the captured data. They say it is mostly scanned copies of ISIS Form 1, Request to Become a Suicide Warrior, a form that asks for the applicant's background, devotion to Islam, and past experience on suicide missions. Syrian website Zaman al-Wasl said that only 1,700 persons were on the memory stick, as many budding terror warriors apply to join ISIS multiple times.

Intelligence analysts warn that some of the documents look like fakes. For example, on some, the lettering is in a script the CIA has never seen, reading right-to-left and yet not Hebrew. By comparison, most hastily drawn signs at riots in front of consulates use professionally lettered English. Some of these documents may be forgeries by young Arabs intending to present them to U.S. Immigration to claim "war refugee" status, enter America, and get three square meals, an apartment, a cellphone, and health care covering tummy-tucks and fanny-lifts.

Richard Barrett, formerly of MI6, said such detailed leaks from ISIS are rare, and this week’s treasure trove of identifying information could help identify extremists planning more attacks like the Paris massacre last November. Unless it is fake, of course.

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