UnNews:Kim Jong Un brings new musical Korea to Eurovision

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Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard UnNews Thursday, June 24, 2021, 05:21:59 (UTC)

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20 February 2015

Are you rolnsome tonight...

MACAU, People's Republic of China -- North Korea has been invited to compete in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest. The country’s entry, “Kim Jong Elvis,” will soon head to Vienna to experience the thrill of a lifetime: to be openly mocked by an international audience and judged by corrupt cheating nationalists with clandestine agendas.

North Koreans have been troubled of late by the recent absence of Un from public view, with rumors spreading about the roly-poly despot being eaten by a tiger, exploding, or just floating away one day like a child's helium balloon.

The people’s prayers were finally confirmed as “unanswered” by the appearance of “Kim Jong Elvis” on stage at the Venetian Macao. The world's master of unintentional self-parody performed the King’s 1969 hit, Suspicious Minds – the first audition to the world of North Korea’s entry in Eurovision 2015.

As well as being the world's greatest tiddlywinks player, slow motion tap dancer, and chess grandmaster (so skilled, he spares opponents' blushes by never competing), the Dear Leader intends to be nu-king in Europe, with 274 classified Plutonium records already for Un in the UN for un-declared refining.

Many countries play off their unique cultural heritage to differentiate themselves. Turkey has the whirling Dervishes, Spain has flamenco, Australia has its didgeridoo and everyone else sends camp, glittered up dancers that can mime. Kim Jong Elvis will be on stage with DPRK soldiers executing drills and executing executions. The singer hopes this new approach will personify North Korea, as well as be a lock on the despot vote.

The debut of Kim Jong Elvis of North Korea also seems to have pleased Australia, who are loudly proclaiming they’re no longer the least European country in Eurovision.