UnNews:Kim Jong Un offers asylum to Jeremy Corbyn
| Democracy Dies with Dignity | ✪ | UnNews | ✪ | Thursday, May 16, 2024, 16:06:59 (UTC) |
| Kim Jong Un offers asylum to Jeremy Corbyn | 
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13 December 2019
PYONGYANG, DPRK -- Our correspondent in Pyongyang reports that Kim Jong Un has made an official offer of asylum to Jeremy Corbyn upon learning of his defeat in the present election. Follows a transcript of the exclusive interview he was granted with the Dear Leader.
"Supreme Master of this and forthcoming ages, what has prompted this gracious offer?"
"The wise and admirable Mr. Corbyn has tried to turn the Evil Empire of the English Imperialists into a socialist paradise for many years. The English people, being a moronic and subhuman race, have instead chosen to vote for a brainless halfwit with a terrible haircut. In the great tradition of leadership, Mr. Corbyn is certain to be publicly executed using one of my favorite methods. Maybe firing an anti-tank missile up his bum or feeding him feet first into a body shredder. Not that I care about him personally, I would just like to deny the guy with the bad haircut the satisfaction of treating dissent to annihilation. That sort of thing should be reserved for me."
"Do you think that Mr. Corbyn will take up your most generous gesture, oh Shining Light of the Eternal Heavens?"
"If he really wants to live in a socialist paradise, he had better, other wise he will perish along with the rest of his primitive and bestial countrymen when I figure out how to bomb the place. We have just completed building the socialist paradise in Samjiyon and he is welcome to buy one of the wonderful apartments. I can certainly inform him that he won't get to the socialist paradise through democratic elections."
"Will Mr. Corbyn have to change his views on certain subjects if he wishes to live in North Korea oh Great Leader of the New World Order?"
"I am sure once he settles in and sees firsthand what the socialist paradise is like he will realize that Kim Jong Un thought is the only way to think."
"We thank you for your wisdom and patience oh Illustrious Savior of the human race and all other beings on Earth or wherever else they may happen to be."
"Marshall Goon, this insolent vermin got my 373rd title wrong. Please beat the crap out of him and throw him in a snowbank. Oh, and I think I'll send a congratulatory note to Bernie Sanders."
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This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent. |