UnNews:Nestle accused of poodles in their noodles

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12 August 2015

Nestle claim there is no poodles in their noodles, though there may be a trace of Labrador or terrier

MUMBAI, India -- The Indian Government is suing Nestle for $100m, as an internal government study claims their Maggi noodles contain poodle. Nestle, the provider of 80 percent of the country’s noodles, deny the claims and have independent evidence their noodles are like pot noodles, not poodles.

Having recently failed in the courts over a case where the government accused Nestle of having fingers in its Kit Kats, the claim, made on behalf of “Indian consumers,” was not filed through the courts this time, but was the first task of the newly created Nestle Consumer Monopoly Redressal Commission (NCMRC); which the Government granted semi-judicial powers for the afternoon.

Nestle is adamant that the noodles they export to India do not contain poodle. The results of tests conducted in other countries, including the U.S., Britain, Singapore, as well as two Indian laboratories in the western state of Goa and the southern city of Mysore, came up poodle free. However, the findings were dismissed by India's food safety authority, saying the tests were probably dogged with inaccuracies.

Jack Russell, a spokesman for Nestle, said: “We have never put a poodle in our noodles for India. There may be traces of other dog breeds from our factory because, for the U.S. and Europe, we use the common chocolate Labrador, as a loophole in international trade law lets us call it beef.

“We also put Highland terriers in the noodles for the Far Eastern market, as they make for cute packaging. Poodle would be great in that respect, but the problem is they are expensive and a bit stringy to eat… so I’ve heard. It seems Nestle has become a bone of contention to the Indian Government.”

Nestle bosses have now taken the case to the Bombay high court. They are still waiting for a verdict but agreed to re-test the noodles at the court’s suggestion. The NCMRC, however, says there is no provision in law for a re-test, so their secret test results stand, as they continue to hound Nestle for unfair trading practices and lack of transparency.