UnNews:Prehistoric golf club committees had gender equity

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17 May 2015

Ancient cave paintings suggest female golf committee members can be just as incompetent, inept and indecisive as their male counterparts.

LONDON -- A recent study has shown that prehistoric hunter-gatherer-golfer tribes operated on an egalitarian basis, suggesting that sexual inequality in golf club committees was an aberration that came from the advent of small-minded male middle managers, during the Industrial Revolution.

Anthropologists in the University College in London have just published the results of research into sexual inequality amongst golfing committees. The results challenge the conception that women are unable to tolerate several hours debating with low-responsibility, low-ability male middle managers, regarding whether to allow light blue socks to be worn at the club on Wednesday afternoons, between the hours of 1500 and 1745.

Mark Dyble, one of the researchers said: “There is a misconception that women can’t work on golf committees as they see a golf club as a centre for a bit of healthy competition in the fresh air, and an opportunity to relax and socialize outside work. It is widely thought that women tend to use committee meetings as a way to discuss initiatives to improve the community, iron out minor issues and organize social events; not as an opportunity for the smaller-minded members to feel important once a month.

“Our research however, has uncovered cave art illustrating pre-historic golf club meeting minutes where the attendance list had an even spread of men and women. The minutes describe several months of rather heated discussion about a proposed compulsory dress-code amendment, allowing only the lower fig leaf to be worn in the summer months. Another on-going issue was whether it was worth trying to move the dead stegosaurus from the seventh hole, or just upgrade it from a par-three to a par-four.”

Evidence is now strongly pointing towards the arrival of middle management at the club committee table, as the root cause of a steady decline in Women members on a year-by-year basis. Unable to make an important decision at work, dithering Front End Developers and Sales and Marketing Team Leaders are drawn to the golf club as an alternative route to promotion, via the boss’ ego. Often, by the time it dawned on them that the MD thinks they are a clown outside the office too; they have swapped the Audi for a Jaguar and discovered a whole new career-path opportunity as a club-committee member, patting themselves on the back for such blue-sky thinking.

Dyble continued: “For many of these men, the Golf career-ladder is the only chance of getting onto a position of perceived influence or status. It presents an opportunity to outrank their boss, make proposals “over their head” and post those indecisions on the club noticeboard to show who has the last laugh, for two minutes a week. The prospect of women being voted onto a committee is considered a threat to this type of male member, as it halves their chance of being elected next year.”

In light of the results of the study, the researcher thinks that Golf club committee policy may have to be reconsidered, as there is evidence emerging that women are actually just as capable as men of talking about clothing, appropriate footwear and countless other items of absolutely no significance for hours on end, without ever reaching a conclusion.”