UnNews:Rescuers respond to signals for help

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13 April 2016

A cry for help.

DEATH VALLEY, Nevada -- In an amazing coincidence, the remains of two people who attempted to signal rescuers by constructing signs made of available material were discovered in two widely separated places. On a tiny island in the western Pacific, a castaway had spelled out "PLEASE HELP" on the beach with palm leaves. Sadly, this desperate message was created below the high tide line and was markedly altered by the next tide.

"As I was flying about the ocean trying to find my way back to New Zealand, I saw what looked like a message on the beach of an island below. As it did not appear to be welcoming, I continued my search and finally landed at Auckland", said Festus McGroggin, amateur pilot, "I was recounting my adventure in the pub a few days later when one of my fellow drinkers shouted, 'That's where my mate Alex went missing a month ago!'. Well, they sent out a search team and there was what was left of poor Alex lying on the beach next to the sign."

Another cry for help, or "yelp."

This doleful tale might have passed unnoticed but for the almost simultaneous discovery of another hapless adventurer lost in the wilds of Death Valley. Again the person seems to have tried to write "HELP!" with what materials were available in the arid landscape, and had nearly completed the word when she succumbed to thirst and fell to the burning sand. The sign was noticed by a number of passing airplanes and helicopters, yet all observers thought that it read "YELP!" and was a rustic graffito left by some wanderer. It was only when the Death Valley Graffiti Removal Team descended on it that the first letter was found to be the remains of the person signalling. The sign is still in place due to the dispute between the DVGRT and the Deceased Desert Wanderer Removal Team, as it is within the charter of neither organization.

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