UnNews:Spring break not a break for anybody

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Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?

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UnNews

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Wednesday, April 24, 2024, 01:26:59 (UTC)

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11 March 2012
United States -- This year, spring break was not all fun and games for anyone, least of all, the kids. This reporter, who is an eighth grader failing in math, actually burst into tears when she found out she had to basically continue going to school during spring break, that's how much work the teachers gave her.

And it wasn't much better for the adults, either. Your mom had to go to work, because she couldn't afford that pretty dress she wanted, and your dad has to work on spring break to pay for your iPhone. Also, your sister still has to go to college during spring break, which actually made her cry, because she has dyscalculia, and nobody knows how she got into college in the first place. Your "forever alone" aunt has to work too, because her gifts to you aren't free, you know. And your eccentric uncle has to work to pay for his addiction to stamp collecting.

The only one who might have a break this week is your poor, lonely, widowed grandmother, but since she isn't retired yet, she still has to work.

So, why can't we have fun?

Spring break is a break. This reporter recently finished her spring break homework, but was in a bad mood anyway, as it was mostly math, and she (the reporter) is a known dyscalculic. Fortunately for her, however, the answers were in the back, and she was able to finish her work quickly. However, nobody expects to be working during spring break as it's a break. MINIMIZE ACADEMIC STRESS! LET US HAVE A BREAK!

Relevant images

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  You, studying and frustrated...on spring break

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  Your mom realizing she has to go to the job she hates...on spring break.

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  Your dad, mopping at your middle school...on spring break

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  Your sister realizing she has to go to college, the land of impossible math...on spring break.

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.