UnNews:Swift launched into space to even Katy Perry Super Bowl score

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31 January 2015

Katy Perry and Lenny Kravitz give a tantalizing sneak peak of their Super Bowl outfits

PHOENIX, Arizona -- The rivalry between performers Katy Perry and Taylor Swift is set to reach its apogee on Sunday, when Swift will launch into space from the University of Phoenix parking lot in a bid to upstage Perry, who will be performing live inside the University stadium during the Super Bowl halftime show.

Flames ignited between the singers last year when, in an interview with Rolling Stone, Taylor Swift said her latest song - That Brunette Slut Sings Like A Strangled Cat - was inspired by a female musician and enemy. Perry then tweeted as a plausible slant towards Swift: “Look out for the She-Wolf in cow's clothing.” The election of Katy Perry to perform on the international stage has fanned the fire, turning the Super Bowl into a different kind of ground-shaking event.

As Perry rehearses for what she describes as “the biggest moment in her career trajectory,” Taylor Swift is not going to take it lying down; as she prepares to take it lying down, tightly strapped into the command module of a multi-stage, one-hundred-foot Vega WO2 spacecraft. The star wars will probably reach orbit when Perry is forced to sing over the half-million pounds of rocket thrust and fire kicked out by the first stage engines as the mighty Vega “clears the tower” only a few hundred yards from the stadium.

Swift recently told Billboard, “If somebody wants to deflame my character, you're all going to hear about it.... big time.”

A normal conversation is about 60 decibels (dB), at 95dB humans start to suffer hearing loss from sustained exposure; pain is experienced over 125. Katy Perry and fellow singer Lenny Kravitz will be generating about 100dB at the peak of their stadium performance.

Swift said that at lift off “a Vega rocket produces almost 200dB; enough to drown out any noise within a three mile radius and cause permanent hearing damage at two miles. Within a mile, the shock wave alone from a Vega will cause catastrophic damage to any singing career.” She added that thet Vega is “named after the brightest star in the constellation of Lyric and is powered by a temperamental ammonium peroxide solid propellant. I chose this volatile fuel because it produces the loudest bang per buck. I also use the stuff to bleach my hair.”

Before the news of Swift’s launch, Katy Perry said to US weekly that her costume for the performance would be “flaming hot.” Today she is insisting that nothing has changed in that respect, other than the costume itself will now be a full airport grade fire-fighters outfit.

Kravitz hopes to perform his 90’s hit Are You Gonna Go My Way as an encore, which contains the famous lyrics: “Ah-oh I’m Still Alive” – as indeed hope the audience, and the players.