UnNews:Trump talk touches Trudeau

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Where man always bites dog ✪ UnNews ✪ Tuesday, May 14, 2024, 21:57:59 (UTC)
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7 June 2018

Different haircut, same old mouth. In a happier time, a Canadian nobody looks on as President Trump entertains the Russian TV crew filming him while waiting for his meds to kick in.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – During a heated phone call that frightened nearby ducks in parks in both countries, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau questioned the US steel and aluminum tariff being linked to US security concerns. U.S. President Donald Trump then asked, "Didn’t you guys burn the White House?" With perfect timing, a rimshot was heard, performed by National Security Advisor John R. Bolton on a drum kit brought in for the day. "And what's with that funny round bacon, anyway?" continued Trump, followed by another Bolton rimshot.

Observers noted that the president has coveted the Roseanne show time slot ever since its cancellation by ABC. They speculate that by being on earlier than Stephen Colbert, Trump could get his approval rating up into the mid-20th percentile. No one is sure if Trump plans a sitcom or is just practicing monolog jokes at this point.

Critics point out that Trump hotels have used no American steel in their construction, only the cheapest possible, mostly sourced from China. Trump defenders reply that the Trump Tower was made entirely of U.S. concrete mixed, delivered and poured by Mafia-run companies. "And we’re talking about the US Mafia, not that Italian copycat", noted Bolton. Both Canada and Mexico were earlier promised tariff exemptions in March by Trump, but Trump now claims he called "King’s X" before and after that statement. Vice President Mike Pence added, "Trudeau is just lucky that Trump didn't fire him from his job."

Justin Trudeau is the 88th head of state directly or indirectly insulted by Trump. The United States will now boldly face the future together with its loyal remaining allies, Andorra and Liechtenstein, plus a couple of made-up ones that have yet to be named.

Repercussions from Canada have yet to be stated, but U.S. construction and auto workers have already filled out their unemployment paperwork, ready to go. Canadian economic analysts would remind Trump that McDonald’s French fries come from potatoes from Prince Edward Island in Canada and that 25% of his caloric intake hangs in the balance. Meanwhile, Canadian steel and aluminum plants continue to share their toxic pollutants with their US neighbors across the St. Lawrence River but fewer of their shiny metal products.

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