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Today's featured article – Rastadon

Mastadon01.jpg

The Rastadon (Mamut rastadonis) is a mammalian species often confused with the more common Mastodon. The Rastadon was more intelligent, had a more complex social structure, and showed many other attributes usually associated with humanity, such as their own religion and communual smoking. The species now has only one living member and will go extinct when he rolls up his last reefer.

The Rastadon was discovered on February 3, 2007, by one Dr. Professor Ima Walrus, who got his Ph.D. in Zoology at Gotham University, as well as Tom Freebird, who had a B.A. in Sociology, and a minor in Taylor Swift, from Michigan Tech. Their historic discovery was found fifty miles north of Rastos, Nebraska. To date, only one skeleton of a Rastadon has ever been found, where it is currently still in active use. After many tests, Dr. Professor Walrus and Mr. Freebird found that the Rastadon's turn-offs included tobacco cigarettes, uniforms, sirens, and corporate life. Whereas its turn-ons included: pistachio ice cream, herbal medicine, large hollow plastic figurines with pipes sticking out of them, and snack foods. (more...)

Previously featured article – The Addams Family

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The Addams Family is an American family best-known for producing an excessive number of U.S. Presidents. The Roosevelts are in a tie, but not in such short order; so too would be the Clintons, except for certain "deplorable" voters. The Kennedys showed comparable potential, except that various assassins showed more. (more...)

Did you know...

*... that reading this section is a severe waste of time?
  • ... antibiotics have failed to rid the Earth of its deadliest organism?
  • ... that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
    • ... that withdrawal symptoms include nausea, hallucinations and possibly death?
      • ... that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?
  • ... my name is Iñigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to do something or the other?
  • ... killer bees only became murderously aggressive after being subjected to a barrage of yo mama jokes by a researcher in Brazil?
  • ... that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?

In the news

On this day...

Description

May 8: National Bad Hair Day (Estonia)

  • 1359 - Pantaloons are invented. Could shoes with pointy tips be far behind?
  • 1865 - The first nomination of Popeye the Sailorman for sainthood is turned down by the Vatican. (pictured)
  • 1914 - Errors in year length calculations results in three months of 1913 being lived through all over again.
  • 1919 - Warren G. Harding moistens a finger before he fingers a page.
  • 1945 - V-E Day, victory in Europe. France unconditionally surrenders to US troops, paving the way for the construction of EuroDisney.
  • 1952 - DDT is recommended as the next no-calorie sweetener.
  • 1960 - Billy Graham Crusade catastrophe: "Go into the fields, Ruth; the rapers shall not molest you."
  • 1982 - Abolition of the fixed turnip/gold exchange rate is endorsed by the American government.
  • 1989 - Bay City Rollers: we're still mad for plaid!
  • 2007 - An upsurge in dad jokes causes hundreds of Millennial fatalities from head desks.
  • 2012 - Lightsaber invented. An overwhelming influx of nerd-gasms cause suicide rates to triple worldwide, as auto-erotic asphyxiation takes on a new form.
  • 2042 - The golem device is invented to instantly cure over-sexiness.
Colonization of the Week
For the glory of her majesty
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.

Today's featured picture


[vote]

CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg

CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg - 21 disappointed Lovecraft entities ( 21 / 0 )
CthulhuReadyForHoliday.jpg

"Hey, guys! Where ya goin'? I'm all packed and... aaaww, shit, there goes the bus."

Image credit: Some user

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Writer and Noob of the Month

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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!

Seriously, we love you.


Noobaward.png
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.

Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!


BePrepared.png
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!

HEIL FROSTY!


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