Today's featured article – Finnish sauna
The Sauna (pronounced SOW-NAH), or "Really Hot Place Containing Naked People" is a Finnish invention that many nations (i.e. Russia) falsely claim to have invented (See liar),[1] It was first recorded in the year 1050 B.C (Before cookies) by the Sosumi people in the Arctic Circle as a range of sounds to use everytime they hooked in a seal for dinner.
Saunas continue to be enjoyed today. It is regarded (mostly by Finns) as one of the greatest things on earth. Basically, the sauna is a room, with a stove covered in rocks, onto which you throw water. This creates a mystical gas known as Löyly, or, colloquially, "REALLY-FUCKING-HOT-AIR!!!!!!!!!" in English.[2] To Finns (and anyone who doesn't fall under the label of pussy), the sensation of hot Löyly is very enjoyable. If however, you can't stand the heat, get the hell out of my kitchen... errr... sauna.
Granted, depending on whether the sauna in question is electrically heated, or a wood-burning sauna, heating will be different. Once the sauna reaches a sufficient temperature: (more...)
Previously featured article – The B-52s
The B-52s (styled The B-52's until 2008's Great Apostrophe Shortage) are an American New Wave band formed in Athens, Georgia. Unlike other famous citizens of Athens, they are less known for epicurean philosophy, dramatic exploration of the human condition, or cutting-edge trigonometry, than for singing about lobsters, lovin' and shackin' up under a rusted tin roof, and roaming around the world (if you want to). Their classic lineup comprised Fred Schneider (vocals, campiness), Kate Pierson (vocals, screeching, bouffant beehive hairdos), Cindy Wilson (vocals, harsher screeching, bouffanter beehivier hairdos), Keith Strickland (go-go drumbeat), and Ricky Wilson (twangy guitar); all of the members except for Cindy are gay. After Ricky Wilson passed away in 1985, Strickland moved out from behind the drumkit and switched to guitar, retaining Ricky's whacked-out surf-style tuning. (more...)
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Did you know...
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*... that apparently, this Charles Norris fellow is quite the ruffian?
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In the news
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On this day...
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March 28: World Hit Somebody in the Head With a Brick Day (Turkey)
- 657 BCE - The ancient Greeks establish Byzantium as a colony on the Straits of Bosphorus. No songs are written about the town or area, as "potassium" and "phosphorus" are the only rhyming words found.
- 330 - Once Istanbul was Constantinople.
- 1056 - In and escalating crisis, Islamics behead 500 Christians.
- 1057 - Not to be outdone, Christians behead 501 Muslims.
- 1630 - Old New York was at this point New Amsterdam. Why they changed it, I can't say. People just liked it better that way.
- 1923 - Modern day country of Turkey formed, people wonder at why it is named after a fat bird you eat for a holiday
- 1930 - Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople.
- 1939 - Hitler freaks out, and the German people just liked it better that way.
- 1990 - Been a long time gone, Constantinople, now it's Turkish delight on a moonlit night.
- 2006 - Every gal in Constantinople lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople, so if you've a date in Constantinople she'll be waiting in Istanbul.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many months years to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!
HEIL FROSTY!
Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners
You now only have 3, goddamnit 3 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month, GET VOTING!!
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